Revised Master/slave protocolson March 9, 2012 at 10:01 am
Yesterday, I tweeted about the revised Master/slave protocols that will appear in the D/sM-V, due to be published next year. Here are a few of the new official protocols:
- A slave must walk six paces behind their Master… backwards.
- In war zones, a slave must walk ahead of their Master while doing the Charleston, thus clearing any landmines in their path.
- If a slave wishes to be released, they must notify their Master via singing telegram.
- A Master may castrate a male slave without his consent, but the only acceptable method for castration is by locking the slave in the bathroom with a family of irritable badgers.
- Upon receiving instructions, a slave must signal compliance by rolling their eyes and saying “Whatever!” with an exaggerated sigh. Making a W with their hands is optional.
- A Master may recruit slaves by setting bear traps in dark corners of a Leather bar.
- Slaves may only safeword in a tonal language like Cantonese.
- If a Master has three or more slaves, he must make them into a human centipede.