Actual Formspring question #1on January 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Can anyone explain data encapsulation to me? Why is locking away variables important?
submitted by Canageek
First off, let me say that I appreciate your courage in asking about such an extremely taboo and horribly revolting fetish as data encapsulation. Especially knowing that you are likely to become the unwitting poster child for data-related fetishes once my reply is published. Henceforth, when your friends see you, they won’t be able to help but picture you encapsulating data all over the place. Don’t be offended if they throw up in their mouths a little.
Data encapsulation is widely regarded as an example of ultrakink, invented just last year by hipster perverts disenchanted with the recent mass popularity of regular kink. Ultrakink is generally more extreme, more disgusting and more controversial than the edgiest edgeplay that most well-adjusted, law-abiding kinksters have ever dared to imagine. Other examples include extreme earlobe bondage, Wicked Grounds milkshake enemas and visually admiring rolls of duct tape from across the room. Most of the fetishes classified as ultrakink are still so obscure that it hasn’t yet occurred to Canadian MPs to ban them. However, that will probably change once I’ve forwarded this reply to them along with your home address.
Contrary to popular misconception, dataphiles don’t just encapsulate. You can also encrypt, decrypt, recrypt, ingest, excrete and smear data all over your partner(s). Sometimes, the smeared data is ingested and excreted again just to drive the point home. You are only limited by your imagination. Taboo play maven Mollena Williams is rumored to teach data play and other forms of ultrakink. However, she can’t teach it openly, lest she inadvertently popularize it and reduce its obscure appeal. I recommend that you hide under her bed and wait until she starts talking in her sleep. Write down everything she says and execute her instructions faithfully, especially with regard to “kittehs” and “noms.”
As for your second question, variables are people who practice ultra-D/s. They are notoriously moody and capricious, oscillating randomly between dominant and submissive roles, usually without telling anyone. They just expect you to know and will post lengthy diatribes on FetLife if you don’t use the title they prefer at that moment. It is important to lock them away because they are just fucking annoying.
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